Let's talk about grief

Sunday marked the 9 year anniversary of my mums passing, pretty crazy to think it's been that long and this blog post has been in the works for a really long time, as well as other sensitive subjects I want to touch on but talking about grief, in general, is difficult enough let alone online where things can be misconstrued. But one of the main reasons I wanted to create this blog was so I could help others and sadly as some point in our lives we all face grief and it's so important that we talk about these things so we don't feel so alone in the process because grief can be a very lonely place! I've been to my step dads funeral, my grandad's and my mums so you could say in my 25 years of living I've had a lot of heartache and each grieving process has been very unique and still affects me to this day but it has got easier and ultimately I have become stronger and learnt so much about myself!

 If you need help don't be afraid to ask
This was something my mum said in a letter she wrote to me before she passed and I want you to take this away with you as well! "If you need help don't be afraid to ask" it's perfectly ok if you need help when things start to feel a bit too much, you feel lost, alone or confused! Don't feel like your being a burden and talk to someone you can trust whether that be a loved one, a close friend, a councillor or a support group there are people that care and it's very brave to admit when you need help because we all need help sometimes! I was 16 nearly 17 when my mum passed and I know for a fact I needed help with some things and didn't always ask because I felt like maybe people didn't care anymore, I was being a nuisance or I was embarrassed but being honest could help enormously! Don't try and cope with everything on your own, after all we're only human and letting things build up can be very toxic and you owe it to yourself to ask if you need something because I'm sure you would want someone you love to ask for your help if they needed it.

We all grieve differently
Grief is one of the most personal things we can deal with and there is no right or wrong way, grief can feel different depending on the person you're grieving for, it usually comes in stages and everyone around you will be trying to give you advice on how to cope but you have to find your own process! Some people are very private with how they are coping and might not want to talk about it until they are ready, some confide in loved ones and cry it out, some seek comfort in counsellors because it's not close to home! I've tried all of these things and you will find what works best for you and it's healthy to be open about your feelings and your mind and heart will guide you in the right direction.

It's ok to feel sad years down the line
A thought that still bothers me today is I should be 'over my grief' by now but when saying that out loud sounds very silly because I don't think I will ever be 'over it' and of course my own grieving process is so far away from how I felt on the day when I was holding my mums hand and I watched her pass away because it literally felt as though my heart was ripped from my chest! But over time life has grown around my grief and it has got easier but there are plenty of days where I still feel very sad but one thing that helps me get through it is knowing that I am her daughter and she will always be apart of me and I know she would only ever want me to be happy. Losing a loved one whether that be a parent, partner, child or friend is life changing in every possible way and it's completely normal to feel sad about it years down the line because there are many moments in your life where you will want to talk to them, ask their advice, hug them and even though you know you can't it will never change the fact you will miss them it doesn't matter how much time has passed grieving is a long process and that's ok.

Never feel bad for talking about your feelings
Grief is such a hard topic to discuss and more often than not the people closest to you are also experiencing grief for the person you have lost, so sometimes that can make it difficult because the other person may not want to talk about it or you may not want to talk about it and sometimes it helps because you can understand eachother! You and the people closest to you may occasionally say things you don't mean because you're experiencing different feelings so try and be mindful of that because it doesn't mean they don't want to listen or you shouldn't talk about it! If people do get annoyed or irritated when you want to talk about your grief they are probably not the best people to have in your life anyway! Talking about our feelings, emotions and sharing memories can be so helpful even though it doesn't change anything it can make such a difference in the way you feel mentally and physically and bring you closer to people! We all carry such heavy loads in life so sharing with even just one person can make it so much easier and you will feel lighter, of course only talk about things when your ready but don't bottle it up.

Grief comes in spells 
Feeling sad is just as normal as feeling happy without sadness we wouldn't know true happiness, I can go weeks or months feeling fine then it can all suddenly hit me and sometimes I don't even know why I'm feeling sad exactly but we don't always need a reason we are entitled to our feelings. Embrace those feelings and don't be hard on yourself, it doesn't mean your going backwards! I'm very much a positive and optimistic person and believe our minds are very powerful but that doesn't mean feeling sad is a bad thing, I cry a lot sometimes it's over a cute video of a puppy, it could be when I'm watching The Notebook or days when I smell my mums perfume! There are many different stages of grief and you have to go through the motions.

Be happy, don't waste your life being unhappy
This is one of my mums quotes and I often think about it! She struggled with mental heath but always put others before herself and gave without expecting, she trusted fully, she was interesting, real to the bone, fierce, strong, passionate, dreamt wildly, she lived free, had an infectious humour, our conversations were mostly about life and everything in it, she was a great listener, she would always bestow a pearl of wisdom, she loved flowers, she loved to dance, she had a lot of pain in her heart yet through everything loved deeply. We only get one life so lets make the best of it, make the ones we love proud, make ourselves proud, love with our whole heart, but most of all be happy.

Do you have thoughts on dealing with grief? And if you ever need a chat my heart and ears are open just send me a private message or leave a comment below and I will help as best I can from personal experience but never forget how strong you are.

Lots of love
xoxo